Thinking

Dear blog, feel much better today even though not entirely better, but somehow it helps. Is it true or not? Well, I think I will go ahead with e consultation, no...not with e psychiatrist.....have not reach to up that level yet....lol Will talk to someone, but maybe not now. Think when I'm fully ready. Than I will let everything out......cry my heart out, vent my anger out, so I feel much and much better. Indeed I act as if nothing happen, but inside.....?

Anyway, I didn't think about it much when I come to work, because tons and tons of work needs to be done, till I don't even have the time to think about it.

I wanted to go somewhere or anywhere, but donno where? Keep going to the same place that I'm even bored with it.

Akon - Sorry, Blame It On Me

Another Day Has Gone

Another wasted day is gone, staying at home doing absolutely nothing. Still furious , I guess.....about things happening yesterday. Am I that STUPID!!!!!! Donno y........but what if one day god granted e wishes and make me really STUPID?????

It is not that I'm stupid...I'm just worried about something else, that it slipped my mind to check e things which I'm supposed to check. Sigh......it hurts me deeply.....it's like a sharp knife piercing thru my heart. E pain is so unbearable. Till now, it hurts very bad. Not e first time, not e second time, I totally lost counts.

Pls qoute, "I'm very disappointed in you"!! What e hell did I do till u're so disappointed with me???I am truly, extremely hurt. No one to turn to talk to. Just keep to myself. I'm afraid, I won't be able to hold it any longer. FYI, I still do have feelings which needs attention, care and loved just like other women despite, I'm being disabled. These feeling has missing for yearssss now, not sure will it ever come back. It seems like, I am to blame for everything that went wrong even though it is not my fault. Well, I'm just taking the blame, maybe tat is y I'm there for. So u can put e blame on me.....Should there anything that goes or went wrong, I am to blame for it. I'm so stressed, frustrated now.....

This month is e most horrible month for me......feel like shutting up myself in an empty room and cry and cry and cry my heart out.

Thank you blog.....for listening

Shontelle - Impossible

Feeling Down

Start to blog again, whenever I'm down. It's been like more than few months...I last blogging....tink so.

Things so much complicated now. Donno y? Wondering is it me or just my feeling that I'm feeling this way. For e past 1 week I've been feeling kinda off sad, frustrated and disappointed. Miss Ella & Wawan B'day last week. Feel so bad, paiseh and throughly guilty on that. Everything is set and prepared for by sis and family but I disappoint them by not turning up. And worse.....on that day after work, I and my colleague rush to get e kids Purple colour attire for e bday bash....but.....sigh.....sorry all for disappoint you guys.

I donno but after tat.....i cry quietly not to show it in front of my kids.....cos kids don't like it when i'm crying. this feeling didnt go away till today. I somehow mad, angry and hated it when it happen. Get scolding for the things which in e first place not my entire fault.

To stop thinking about this horrible feeling, I just keep myself bz doing house chores and entertaining my kids nonsense. See I'm starting to cry now thinking about it. I am truly mad. Oh god please give me strength to face all this.

It's Been A While.....

House so quiet and empty. Kids not around. Start to miss them so much. E Kids slept over at mil place. As for Ria, her uncle bring her out for shopping. Got a call from my Rian, informing me that Ria has left with Faisal for shopping. Hope she enjoys outing with her uncle. Daddy is still sleeping. As for me doing the laundry, cleaning, mopping at the same time blogging.

This week has been a tiring day for me. Life is so much better without maid. But some of you may think its not. But as for me, I had enough of maids. Creating more problems rather than trying to solve them.

Even though, it might be difficult for me, but I will try my best to overcome the situation.

Wondering where to go with daddy, since it is weekend.

Calculative? While at Work????

Don’t understand, why there are people out there choose to be so calculative while at work. I’m truly sad and shocked for the recent things that has happened. This is so shocking for me. I am truly disappointed. I’m not sure if my colleague and I did wrong. All we ask for is to help us out while either me or my colleague not around. Is it too much to ask? Is it? It’s not as it is an everyday, every minute, every time, every hour and every seconds thing. I don’t even think it will bring any harm or causes any danger towards them should they help us out. Well, that’s what I think……but for others……….I might be a burden to them. These are all minor things, which people like to make it worse.

Hurt my fingers today, while trying to access the area. No matter how good I am while manoeuvring, I will somehow, bang here and there because of the inconvenient. And today my fingers got caught at the barrier area cupboard and cause so much pain.

Earlier morning today, my SM asked me if I’m okay, after what happen. Truthfully I feel like crying.

Somehow I’ve learnt valuable lesson for what has happen.